$7.50 is exactly how much money I made on a recent post I wrote. I submitted it to a website that I both love to read and feel honored to write for. I’ve placed a few pieces there and my stomach still does a little flip when I get a message in my inbox with the schedule date.
For my last piece, the stomach flip was accompanied with some shortness of breath – my anxiety. Because for this one, I went a little deeper, exposed a little more than I normally do. I felt a little naked. I sent my heart, unguarded, out into the big wide world.
So when the page views report came back showing a scant number and my $7.50 earnings landed safely in my account, I must admit, I was disappointed.
See, when you put your heart out there, you really hope that people see it – truly see it. You hope your heart lands in a soft place, that it will be cared for and nurtured. You hope God directs your heart to the people who need it and that your heart spurs something in them: a clarification, a revelation, or just a quiet moment where they know they aren’t alone. A moment of connection.
So when the page views come back low and the cash isn’t even enough to buy a double with side of fries at 5 Guys, it feels like your heart didn’t do what it was supposed to. It makes you question why you even sent your heart out there. But here’s the thing, it did exactly what it was supposed to.
The numbers are the only world’s way of showing me what my heart did. And the world is nothing compared to what God does. God had my heart the whole time. My heart did land in a soft place – in the palm of his hand. He carried it to the people who needed to read it. I may never, in this life, know what my heart did, where it went, who it helped. But here’s what I do know, being vulnerable when God is asking you to is never a mistake.
The world’s numbers will not deter me. So you can continue to have my heart for $7.50. Heck, you can have this piece of it for free.