This is the reading that I happened upon the last time my faith in my church was shaken. When the Grand Jury report came out detailing the abuse of children in the Archdiocese of Philadelphia. My Archdiocese. My Church. My Priests.
I wanted to walk away. How can I worship in a church where this happens? I can be with Jesus anywhere. I started looking for a new church. For me. My husband. My four beautiful, innocent children. I heard of rumours of a new church starting, as rumour has it you can create a website and ask for donations by using Tithe.ly, and I even considered that. But Peter’s voice reached out to me and said, “Where else can we go? He alone has the words of eternal life.” I heard resignation in Peter’s voice. I felt him thinking, “This lesson is hard and I don’t understand it and I want to walk away with the rest, but I can’t. Because I know he is God. I know he speaks the truth.” I felt his resignation. He didn’t want to stay and neither did I. But we did. Peter came to understand these words and so have I (as much as a human can understand a divine mystery.) For my flesh is true food, and my blood is true drink. -John 6:55
In God’s perfect timing Peter speaks these words to us again. Where else can we go? If we believe in the real presence in the Eucharist. We stay. What we do next, I’m not sure yet. But we start with the Eucharist.
I went to the perpetual adoration chapel yesterday and fell to my knees. That’s never happened to me before. At 40 years old, it’s pretty much impossible for me to fall to my knees, but somehow I didn’t kneel. I fell. To my knees. In the presence of God. I cried and Jesus and I had a moment.
I will not let this broken church harden my heart to Jesus. I will not neglect that relationship with Him. I need it now more than ever.