Why I Stopped Telling My Husband, “You’re Doing It Wrong”

I first noticed that my husband was doing things wrong when we had our first child. He could not swaddle at all. He would have to wake me up in the middle of the night to get me to do it for him. When he put diapers on, they were crooked. He didn’t stop halfway through the bottle to burp the baby. Oh, and you should have seen how he put the sheets on the crib! Totally wrinkly and not lined up at all. There’s more too, but I’ll spare you the details (and me the embarrassment of complaining about a husband that did so much!)

It. Drove. Me. Nuts. And I would tell my husband, “You’re doing it wrong” and “Here, let me do it.” I would stop him from helping me so I could do it myself-the proper way. Let me repeat that: I would stop my husband from helping me. Crazy, right?

Then one night, out of my mind with sleep deprivation I figured it out. Maybe I wouldn’t be so tired, if I just let Bill help with the baby. It was a huge light bulb moment for me. I suddenly didn’t care if the diaper was crooked, or he missed a snap on the pj’s or if the formula was a few degrees cooler than I imagined our son liked it. All that mattered in that moment was sleep.

So I started letting him help and it was A-Mazing! I suddenly didn’t care that the baby clothes weren’t folded very neatly, I was just happy they were folded and I didn’t have to do it! I didn’t care if the bottles went through the dishwasher instead of being hand-washed, I was just happy there were clean bottles when I needed them.

Not only did I accept his offer of help, I stopped telling him he was doing it wrong (even though I died a little inside every time he would use like 15 wipes to change a diaper).

I can’t tell you what an impact this lesson has had on my marriage. Instead of trying to control every aspect of my son’s life, our son’s life, I learned to trust my husband and began to let go of my ego and quest for perfectionism. We became a team, instead of me dictating to him the correct way to do things, like he was in my employ. And over time, especially now that my son is a tween, I learned that this ain’t just the mom and son show. My son needs his dad.

So, if your husband’s doing it wrong, let him! He’ll make mistakes and he won’t always do it your way (which we all know is the best way) but you’ll get a break. And more importantly, you’ll get to sit back and watch him put the diaper on crooked while he sings and coos to the baby and the singing and cooing turns into playing cars and bandaging knees and that turns into going for haircuts and talking about girls and over time you’ll see this has become a really awesome bond that your child will have with his dad, a bond that he doesn’t share with anyone else in the world.

Oh, but you might want to go out and get one of those swaddle blankets with the velcro that are really easy to put on because he just might never figure that one out.



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Comments

  1. Nice piece of advice for Mommies to relax a bit. I am guilty of this too.But I am trying my very best to change this side of me wanting to control how to manage in caring for our son and the house hold chores. This post is totally relatable for me. thanks for sharing. 💖💖💖

    • So glad you liked it! It was really hard for me in the beginning, but once I got overwhelmed with a few more kids and going back to work part time, it got much easier!

  2. This is such sound advice and something I need to stop doing. I think our husbands do the best they can – they just aren’t wired like moms are! It is hard though to sit back and watch them do it wrong haha but I think overtime it will get better and they won’t feel so defeated by our words!

  3. Omg every bit of this i relate to. Micro-managing is my weakness. I do this to my husband too! But I’m learning to really ease off and allow him to parent his children his way. They gotta build their own bonds and ways with the kids..but i feel ya mama!

  4. Great post and great advice. I know this is something I struggle with at times too.

  5. Vicki @ Babies to Bookworms
    April 11, 2017 - 12:47 am

    This is such a great reminder! I never wanted to discourage my husband from helping, even if it wasn’t exactly how I would have done things.

  6. Oh my goodness, Anne, I do this all the time to Jimmy!!! Thank you for this reminder to just let him do it his way! You are so wise.

    • I don’t know about wise, but thank you so much! I’m glad you liked it! And to your credit, Jimmy probably is doing it wrong! 😉

  7. Good for you! That is a struggle for me still after being married for almost 30 years.

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